It's All Alright

It is my strong belief that one of the keys to happiness is to not worry about money or anything for that matter. This says a lot coming from a person with a severe panic disorder. I consider myself to be genuinely happy person, mainly because I was raised on the concept that money isn't everything and that in the end, everything would work out.

"Everything will be alright in the end, if it's not alright, it's not the end."

This idea was especially important to me when I applied to college. At the time, my dad had just passed away and my mom was unemployed because she had been taking care of him, so honestly we had just about nothing. Prior to the passing, my mom and dad had both lost their jobs, so income went from $50,000 a year to below the poverty line. 

Drastic chance.

But throughout all of this, we never worried. We prayed each night, and everything worked out. 

When I applied to college, I was fortunate to receive a near full ride.

All-in-all, money doesn't mean everything. There is the relationships that we have and our relationship with GOD. Maybe the world would be a better place if everyone took even just one second to work on these relationships before worrying about money. 

"Of what use is money in the hand of a fool, since he has no desire to get wisdom?"

Proverbs 17:16

"Whoever loves money never has money enough; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with his income. This too is meaningless."

Ecclesiastes 5:10

"No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money."

Matthew 6:24

These are a few examples in the bible.

In all honesty, if society had not made money mean so much, maybe we as individuals would not make our world revolve around the paper and metals we pass around. What about the living beings being mre important than these materials items. 

Where is the love?

I'm Not Down with This Sickness

What is cancer? Is it merely a disease or a zodiac sign? It is much more than that.

For a survivor of the disease, it is a road bump that they have overcome. 

For someone struggling with the disease it is probably the hardest thing they are dealing with.

For some, it is what GOD planned for them to finally meet him.

What about the people that are living with someone with cancer?

When a family is affected by cancer, it is debilitating not only for the one with cancer, but also for the family. 

In 2010, my dad was diagnosed with cancer and passe away 10 months later.

Although hard, I am thankful for the time i got to spend with him.

One thing that is never really talked about is that time when someone is waiting for the results of their tests. Whether their life will change or stay the same. That terrifying time between "We think you may have cancer and would like to perform a biopsy" and "I'm sorry to tell you this, but we were right."

When I lost my dad, this was just about the only thing on my mind. It is easy to describe how I felt, but how did he? I can't imagine how scared he was... or maybe he was the opposite? Thankful? 

It's hard to know, but I like to think that when he entered through the pearly gates none of that mattered anymore. 

R.I.P. Daddy

I love you

My Beneficial Friend

No Strings Attached? 

Although one of my favorite movies, I'm not sure I could ever do that. 

I catch feelings way too fast to even try that. I am just a big bundle of feelings that don't ever stop or consult my brain. I tend to think with my heart, which is pleasant in comparison to the typical male that thinks with their "head".

 (disclosure: not all men think like that)

Luckily for me, I have somebody that I am thankful to say holds my heart.

I often wonder what others think of the arrangement of no strings attached.

I'm sure it works for those that don't catch feelings as easily as myself, I want to know though what others think or feel, or rather don't feel.

Thoughts?

Fathers' Day!

With Fathers' Day quickly approaching it is becoming ever more apparent that I am lacking in the Father department. Not because I had a deadbeat dad or anything; my dad passed away 2 years ago. He passed when I was 16, almost 17. 

This man was the most incredible man I ever had the pleasure and opportunity of meeting. He was kind, intelligent, and so much more. His best quality was probably his humor. He had the ability to make anyone he met laugh until they cried. He had such a cheesy sense of humor, and I am thankful I inherited. 

His favorite joke was "A three legged dog walked into a bar and says 'I'm looking for the man who shot my paw(pa)'" It is a lame joke and probably would make more sense to speak it, but I laugh simply because it was his joke. 

I miss him like crazy every single day.

On March 25, 2011 my father was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. It was devastating. 

He had been in the hospital for about a week before they actually knew what was wrong with him. On that morning I walked upstairs to his room, which had acquired a new sign on the door. It was a warning sign with a huge word on it, so I immediately looked it up. No one else knew why I mysteriously started crying. The doctor came in a few hours later to reveal the news. I think my dad knew though. I think he knew that week while in the hospital that it was cancer, I think we all knew, we just didn't say anything, as if in fear of jinxing the situation. 

Like any new thing to effect a family, we learned how to deal and how to respond as a Family.

It was hard, watching him slowly dying and yet having hope that he would pull through.

That's the hardest part. Not the death or the dying. 

The Hope. 

He fought for 10 months, countless bouts with chemo and radiation. Numerous doctors visits, lab test, you name it. By the time he passed, we were familiar with the oncology staff. They even let me in the nurses room and take ice cream as I pleased. 

We knew that when Hospice started coming that the day was going to come soon.

Hospice is a great service, but its terrifying when they become a part of your family.

My dad was a fighter. No matter what he stayed strong for everyone. 

While he was sick, he put all asie when my best friend died just to be there for me.

I love that man and admire him so much.

I miss him dearly, but I believe he is in Heaven and not hurting anymore.

"Chillin' with Jesus"

Happy Fathers' Day, Daddy.
I Love You.

My Love

Have you ever been in love? I can honestly say I have. I am very aware of the fact that I am only 19, but I am pretty certain I have met the person I am going to spend the rest of my life with. We have been together almost two years and he is my best friend. 

I mean just the way he looks at me...

I melt every single time I see him

The way he walks

His smell

That smile 

Everything. 

You want to know something? The way his mom treats me, I would have ran long ago, but something about him is different than anyone I have ever met before.

 I swear it was love at first sight.

Our love story is one that is going to die with us, and probably won't mean anything to anyone besides us, but I am perfectly alright with that. 

When we met, we each had someone in our lives that we had been dating for 2+ years, but let me tell you; when I saw him, my whole life changed. 

We met in a summer college class, we were sophomores in high school (always told we were gifted). We were friends and that was that, but I could not get him off of my mind. This friendship lasted almost 3 years before we finally pushed everyone else aside. It was time for him to be mine. I know it probably wasn't right to hurt my now ex boyfriend to be with this man, but I let my heart take control.

Now here we are, two years later, and I have never been more happy in my entire life.

We both go to separate colleges, but that hasn't stopped us. 

I know I'm young, but if I had to choose him or the sun, I'd be one nocturnal son of a gun. 

I love you.

Darcy

Darcy's the name. Not much to it you see, other than a girl trying to make it through life unscathed, although it seems quite impossible right now. Only time will tell what is in store, so I'm just enjoying life as it is. What is there to know? College student (Go Bulldogs!), blonde, ambitious, unmotivated, and most definitely not boring. 

At the moment, trying to pay for my second year of college has become nearly impossible. No matter how many scholarships I get or financial aid I am given, it just isn't enough. Does anyone else have that problem? No? Just me? It feels as if no one is willing to work with a college student to help us. Some of us going to college could be helping them one day. What happens when one of us becomes their doctor in the future? Of course we will help, because we know how much someone can really need help. 

All in all, college sucks when it comes to paying for it. 

The fun starts when you actually get in and figure the money part out. That moment at the beginning of the semester when you experience freedom for the first time, living off by yourself for the first time. The world is your oyster. That moment your parents leave from dropping you off and you can do almost anything that you want to. 

That's when it all becomes worth it. 

My first year of college, I had the privilege of meeting the people who have become the best friends I always needed during high school. That friend that was honest when needed, just down the hall from you, a friend that would help you at 3 in the morning no matter what. 

They say the friends you make in college are the ones that last a lifetime.

Friends come and go.

Elementary. 

Middle School.

High School.

College.

I'm not sure what treasures my second year will bring, but I'm so excited to find out (assuming I can pay for it). 

TBC